Depression is not a cool fadDo you think depression is cool? You want to be on medication, you want to see a therapist? Do you know what depression is really like?
Do you enjoy school, do you get good grades? Well now you don't. Concentrating will be difficult, too many thoughts will be whirling through your head for you to keep your mind on the subject. The people in your class are okay, right? You get on with them, you sometimes have a laugh. Not any more you don't - they're talking about you, you're sure of it. They must hate you because they don't sit with you any more. It's hard to talk to people, and also hard to be alone.
What about hobbies? You like drawing, huh? You just can't concentrate hard enough any more, you get upset if it doesn't end up exactly how you want it; you're rubbish, a failure, you will never get anywhere. Conversely, maybe you'll draw more, but the subject matter won't be the same. You might draw things that make people worry for you, or make people talk.
Okay, maybe you don't like dra
DepressionTo the world you're smiling. Someone asks "how are you?". You reply "fine, just tired". And that isn't strictly lying, you ARE tired. Tired of being alive. Tired of waking up every day regretting your existence. You're constantly crying on the inside. The tears never cease to fall even if the weary smile on the outside does occasionally fool someone.
You're being burned alive. You have chunks teared out of your soul day in, day out. There's a massive black cloud descending over the whole world. Everything becomes blurry. You want to cry, scream, run away from the insanity. You want to be held. You need some warmth to heat up the cold and empty room. The flame's going out and there's no more oxygen left.
You want the misery, the never ending misery, to vanish. You're so tired but you can't sleep. You're not ALLOWED to sleep.
Everything else becomes distant background noise and you spend hours wallowing in self pity. You spend DAYS dreaming of all the ways to kill yourself and end t
DepressionHow is it possible to want someone at your side so badly
--but at the same time, drive them away from you?
How is it possible to scream as loud as you can
--when not a single whisper escapes your lips?
How is it possible to try your best to smile
--but ending up with only miserable frowns?
How is it possible to feel rejected all the time
--when many people are your biggest fans?
And most importantly
HOW is it possible to love everyone else deeply
--but hate yourself terribly that you wish you could die?
I have an answer :
Life of DepressionLiving with a mood disorder makes every day a struggle. A struggle to wake up in the morning, a struggle to get yourself ready for the day, a struggle to maintain relationships – a struggle to smile and mean it. I’ve never been professionally diagnosed, but I know something’s not right. I knew around the beginning of high school. Something isn’t right, isn’t balanced, inside of me. I’ve read enough books to give these thoughts and feelings a name – depression.
The commercials which say depression hurts everywhere are right. It hurts emotionally, cognitively, physically, and behaviorally. It makes me feel sad and hopeless, lonely and confused, angry and dragged down. It makes me think that no one cares and no one understands, that I can’t handle my life or even myself, and that I don’t have much value. It makes me sluggish and restless, eating too much, and having trouble falling asleep and waking up. It makes me cry spontaneously an