Life of DepressionLiving with a mood disorder makes every day a struggle. A struggle to wake up in the morning, a struggle to get yourself ready for the day, a struggle to maintain relationships – a struggle to smile and mean it. I’ve never been professionally diagnosed, but I know something’s not right. I knew around the beginning of high school. Something isn’t right, isn’t balanced, inside of me. I’ve read enough books to give these thoughts and feelings a name – depression.
The commercials which say depression hurts everywhere are right. It hurts emotionally, cognitively, physically, and behaviorally. It makes me feel sad and hopeless, lonely and confused, angry and dragged down. It makes me think that no one cares and no one understands, that I can’t handle my life or even myself, and that I don’t have much value. It makes me sluggish and restless, eating too much, and having trouble falling asleep and waking up. It makes me cry spontaneously an
depressionThe world seems blurry and i cant clearly see.
I dont feel right, i dont feel like me.
The days have been gliding past nothings changed.
But somehow it doesnt feel right, it feels so strange.
My minds gone blank and i cant think straight.
Theres a heavy fog in me that nothing can penitrate.
A smile on my face that doesnt quite touch my eyes.
Its as if my happy world has been compromised.
Hard to breath as depression has begun to unfold.
All of my joy in life has been put on hold.
though its not as if this hasnt happened before.
With me and depression its an on going war.
There is no anger, there is no pain.
You wont see any tears begin to rain.
Theres an emptyness inside, ive just gone numb.
Im waiting in the darkness for the light to come.
DepressionTo the world you're smiling. Someone asks "how are you?". You reply "fine, just tired". And that isn't strictly lying, you ARE tired. Tired of being alive. Tired of waking up every day regretting your existence. You're constantly crying on the inside. The tears never cease to fall even if the weary smile on the outside does occasionally fool someone.
You're being burned alive. You have chunks teared out of your soul day in, day out. There's a massive black cloud descending over the whole world. Everything becomes blurry. You want to cry, scream, run away from the insanity. You want to be held. You need some warmth to heat up the cold and empty room. The flame's going out and there's no more oxygen left.
You want the misery, the never ending misery, to vanish. You're so tired but you can't sleep. You're not ALLOWED to sleep.
Everything else becomes distant background noise and you spend hours wallowing in self pity. You spend DAYS dreaming of all the ways to kill yourself and end t