|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
depressionThe world seems blurry and i cant clearly see.
I dont feel right, i dont feel like me.
The days have been gliding past nothings changed.
But somehow it doesnt feel right, it feels so strange.
My minds gone blank and i cant think straight.
Theres a heavy fog in me that nothing can penitrate.
A smile on my face that doesnt quite touch my eyes.
Its as if my happy world has been compromised.
Hard to breath as depression has begun to unfold.
All of my joy in life has been put on hold.
though its not as if this hasnt happened before.
With me and depression its an on going war.
There is no anger, there is no pain.
You wont see any tears begin to rain.
Theres an emptyness inside, ive just gone numb.
Im waiting in the darkness for the light to come.
Life of DepressionLiving with a mood disorder makes every day a struggle. A struggle to wake up in the morning, a struggle to get yourself ready for the day, a struggle to maintain relationships – a struggle to smile and mean it. I’ve never been professionally diagnosed, but I know something’s not right. I knew around the beginning of high school. Something isn’t right, isn’t balanced, inside of me. I’ve read enough books to give these thoughts and feelings a name – depression.
The commercials which say depression hurts everywhere are right. It hurts emotionally, cognitively, physically, and behaviorally. It makes me feel sad and hopeless, lonely and confused, angry and dragged down. It makes me think that no one cares and no one understands, that I can’t handle my life or even myself, and that I don’t have much value. It makes me sluggish and restless, eating too much, and having trouble falling asleep and waking up. It makes me cry spontaneously an
Depression is not a cool fadDo you think depression is cool? You want to be on medication, you want to see a therapist? Do you know what depression is really like?
Do you enjoy school, do you get good grades? Well now you don't. Concentrating will be difficult, too many thoughts will be whirling through your head for you to keep your mind on the subject. The people in your class are okay, right? You get on with them, you sometimes have a laugh. Not any more you don't - they're talking about you, you're sure of it. They must hate you because they don't sit with you any more. It's hard to talk to people, and also hard to be alone.
What about hobbies? You like drawing, huh? You just can't concentrate hard enough any more, you get upset if it doesn't end up exactly how you want it; you're rubbish, a failure, you will never get anywhere. Conversely, maybe you'll draw more, but the subject matter won't be the same. You might draw things that make people worry for you, or make people talk.
Okay, maybe you don't like dra
DepressionTo the world you're smiling. Someone asks "how are you?". You reply "fine, just tired". And that isn't strictly lying, you ARE tired. Tired of being alive. Tired of waking up every day regretting your existence. You're constantly crying on the inside. The tears never cease to fall even if the weary smile on the outside does occasionally fool someone.
You're being burned alive. You have chunks teared out of your soul day in, day out. There's a massive black cloud descending over the whole world. Everything becomes blurry. You want to cry, scream, run away from the insanity. You want to be held. You need some warmth to heat up the cold and empty room. The flame's going out and there's no more oxygen left.
You want the misery, the never ending misery, to vanish. You're so tired but you can't sleep. You're not ALLOWED to sleep.
Everything else becomes distant background noise and you spend hours wallowing in self pity. You spend DAYS dreaming of all the ways to kill yourself and end t
Keep in Touch!
Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More